Learning How To Overcome Self-Sabotage
It's easy to forget just how powerful our subconscious minds
can be. We are often completely unaware of how our actions
(or inactions) are affecting our lives. We may complain that
things never work out for us, we have bad luck, or we just
don't have what it takes to be successful. What we fail to
realize is that we are actually creating our own circumstances
through subconscious self-sabotage. In order to overcome self-sabotage
we first have to use conscious awareness to explore our emotions
and fears, and understand how they influence our actions.
Once we have determined the cause of the destructive behavior,
we can then take steps to prevent it from happening in the
What's really happening when we sabotage ourselves? Subconsciously,
we may be frightened by a particular outcome, even though
we say we want it. Take, for example, losing weight. Many
overweight people have struggled for years, tried diet after
diet, and still can't lose the weight (or keep it off). They
berate themselves, push themselves harder, and try to force
the weight off. But what's happening beneath the surface?
Do they really want to lose their excess pounds? They may
say they do, but what if their layers of fat are providing
a sense of protection and security in an uncertain world?
What if they feel the need to cover up and conceal themselves?
Losing weight then becomes a threatening, frightening possibility.
So they might sabotage their diet efforts in order to avoid
feeling too vulnerable and exposed. Even though they say they
want to lose weight (and even believe they do) they still
might set themselves up for failure by sneaking food, skipping
exercise, and then making a promise that they'll try harder
Others may be intimidated by something as simple as starting
a new job. Did you know that there are a surprisingly high
number of people who don't show up for job interviews, even
for highly-desirable positions? Let's look at another example:
Perhaps a stay-at-home-mom decides she needs to return to
the workforce to earn money for her family. What she really
wants is to stay home with her children, but she feels obligated
to get a job outside the home. So instead of applying for
the perfect position, she applies for jobs that she knows
she's not qualified for, or jobs that require hours incompatible
with her family's schedule so she has to turn down the job
if it's offered. Subconsciously, that's her way of ensuring
she won't have to leave home, and at least she can say she
"tried" to get a job.
Those who self-sabotage may also be afraid of what others
will think of them should they accomplish their goals. They
might not believe they're worthy of the outcome, so they act
in ways that will ensure their failure.
These destructive efforts are done subconsciously, so even
the saboteurs have fooled themselves into thinking they know
what they want. If there is any uncertainty in their mind,
any doubt, any fear, they will find a way to make sure it
Perhaps this describes you? Have you sabotaged yourself in
the past? Are you still doing it now? Are you not able to
move forward with your goals, no matter how hard you try?
Fortunately we CAN overcome self-sabotage. The most important
step to stopping self-sabotaging behavior is to recognize
that it's happening. We must develop a conscious awareness
of our thoughts, emotions, and actions.
If you've been struggling with a certain goal and things just
don't seem to be working out for you, take a look at the setbacks
that were encountered and evaluate the situation. Could any
of the obstacles have been avoided by making wiser choices
on your part? Are there a significantly high number of obstacles
that have arisen for this one particular goal? If so, you
may be self-sabotaging yourself.
A great way to get in touch with your subconscious mind is
by spending time in quiet meditation. Ask yourself what you're
afraid of. What fears do you have? What uncertainties? What
makes you feel uncomfortable about this goal? For what reasons
would you try to hold yourself back? Using a journal to write
these questions and answers can help too, because writing
can help you to connect with the deepest part of yourself.
It might take time and practice, but exploring these possibilities
can dramatically help you to get out of the self-sabotage
When we finally understand that we are in control of our own
success, we will be set free from all limitations! By developing
clarity and insight about the outcomes we want to create,
and the awareness for potential setbacks, we can stop the
self-sabotage and focus our energies on working toward new
goals that we will fully support in every way. We will then
look back one day and see that instead of being our own worst
saboteur, we have become our best supporter.
Wendy Betterini is a freelance writer who strives
to motivate, uplift, and inspire you to make your dreams a
reality. Visit her website, www.WingsForTheHeart.com
for more positive thoughts to help you on your journey.
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